banana blog

My consumption continues...

2012-01-21T19:33:00.001-07:00

Poem from the movie "Like Crazy"

I thought I understood it
That I could grasp it
But I didn’t
Not really
I knew the smudgeness of it
The pink-slippered-all-containered-semi-precious eagerness of it
I didn’t realize it would sometimes be more than whole
The wholeness was a rather luxurious idea
Because its the halves that halve you in half
Didn’t know
Don’t know about the in between bits
The gore-y bits of you
And gore-y bits of me

What's that?

2012-01-16T19:56:00.000-07:00

There is something truly spectacular about a phrase that can be articulated in such a way that it actually becomes more profound than even the meaning behind it. Not because the words become more important, but because they clear the norm. That is, they leave behind the obvious and typical and allow just enough room for the hearer to digest the words as they wish. Hearers can skim the surface, ponder them for a moment, or they can let their mind be consumed with them finding not just one meaning, but many.

I know the scriptures work this way, and I think promptings from the Holy Ghost do too.

So as I force myself to contemplate my ever ominous subsequent life, and best prepare for whatever comes my way I have sifted through my favorite writers and plucked my favorites. These words have, at one point in my life, pricked my heart and literally made my soul happy and hopeful.

My plan is to take one every week and learn it, memorize it, live by it, and internalize it.

Here's to you, future (gulp):

“I thinkwhen you get to the point where you don't need to be inlove; then you could be inlove. You have to just be OK with yourself…and that's a long process.”
John Cusack

On a relationship with truth. “This relationship is muchmore subjective—a truth-relationship that 19th century Danish philosopher SørenKierkegäard has described as “being in” as opposed to “having”. Truth, then,would not be “out there” as something that we might have or possess orobjectify; rather, truth would be something that we do or live.”

Murray Hunt

"Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort offeeling safe with a person, having neither toweigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as theyare -- chaff and grain together -- certain that a faithful hand will take andsift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow therest away."

George Eliot

“You could warm you handsby the fire of his faith.”

Boyd K Packer

“Today I declare my independence from the weather.”

Unknown

“To learn is to live.”

Jolito Ortizo Padilla (reference the last video posted)

"Love is a great beautifier."

Louisa May Alcott

"Painful as it may be, a significant emotional event can be the catalyst for choosing a direction that serves us - and those around us - more effectively. Look for the learning."

Louisa May Alcott

"Resolve to take fate by the throat and shake a living out of her."

Louisa May Alcott

"Love Jo all your days, if you choose, but don't let it spoil you, for it's wicked to throw away so may good gifts because you can't have the one you want."

Louisa May Alcott, Little Women

That Louisa May Alcott...what a woman.

I believe this with all my heart.

2012-01-12T18:20:00.001-07:00

The Future Belongs to the Curious from Skillshare on Vimeo.

What good has gone unnoticed?

2011-12-12T13:33:00.001-07:00

Yes I should be studying for Statistics, but how could I when there is a perfectly good commercial to blog about? This one reminds me of why I chose advertising to fill my time in this temporal world. There are things to be discovered and shared.

Why can I not get enough of this man?

2011-12-06T22:28:00.001-07:00

Miles. You slay me.

Happenings of the motionless

2011-12-01T13:47:00.001-07:00

The other day my hands stopped working. Literally, I couldn't get my brain to communicate to my fingers, and thus, the envelope I was holding remained unopened. I probably looked like I had arthritis, but hello I'm only 22. I don't have arthritis, thank heavens.

Last night (late night 3 of 4) in the library I got so overwhelmed that I didn't know what to start on first. So instead of working, my friend Jacqueline and I tried our hand at harmonizing "O come all ye faithful." Did that get us anywhere? Don't answer that. It was a hypothetical question. Ok, I'll answer it. Yes, I it got us five minutes further away from our goal. Do I regret it? Not in the slightest.

This week is testing me. A lot. I like it though. I'm learning so much. I'm doing something that I will never have the opportunity to do again. The incredible blessings my eyes have seen this past month are boundless. If you want a full list of the beautiful sequence, I'll tell you, and I'll love every minute of it. Whoa. Just think about all the things Heavenly Father has done for me that I haven't noticed...yet.

Today's tender mercy:

How joyful that song is.

Tears to my eyes

2011-11-05T21:09:00.002-06:00

I want to do this for my babies.

Oh My Stars

2011-10-29T12:34:00.002-06:00

Literally, this is so neat.

Lady Gaga is living my dream singing a duet with Tony Bennett.

If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

2011-10-11T22:37:00.000-06:00

This makes me want to do something good.

The best part is 5:03

2011-08-19T19:58:00.004-06:00

My favorite music video. To quote my friend Liz, "Contentment is underrated." This video encapsulates that for me.

2011-08-08T18:45:00.002-06:00

I like this song. I discovered it while stocking videos. 'Twas pretty decent.

The lyrics sooth the cockles of my soul. Favorite: "We will live longer than I will. We will be better than I was."

...Open to your interpretation.

I wish I had best friends like these two.

2011-08-04T20:45:00.001-06:00

I only eat yogurt and jello.

2011-08-04T13:41:00.002-06:00

Hey have you seen the movie Temple Grandin? You should. It's a better use of time than reading this old nugget. I swear.

I love you too, Granny Dede.

2011-06-08T20:47:00.002-06:00

Devotional is a time for uplifting.

2011-05-25T20:30:00.011-06:00

How one does acquire an uplifted soul?

Have your boss push you around in your

office chair.

Devotional time around mail services is a blissful time when you can close the door to cranky customers, old people you can't understand, and anyone else for that matter. We get to close up shop for a whole hour, and when most people might relax and regain energy, we spend ours til our energy tanks are dry.

I had my turn and then it was Liz's.

She sure looks like she's having fun.

But is Lane?

Holy Cats do I have the best job or what?

Meal of a Deal

2011-05-25T20:21:00.004-06:00

Did you know that if you buy a hamberger at T's diner you can get one for 10% off?! What a deal!

(Yep, this is true. We just talked about it in my consumer behavior class)

Kate is that you?

2011-05-16T23:14:00.000-06:00

That ring makes your eyes sparkle!

Oh how I love working at mail services. This is just the tip of the ice burg of all the shenanigans that go on there.

My sentiments exactly.

2011-05-16T22:04:00.000-06:00

Also, I wish this was real.

The Brocks

2011-04-15T14:06:00.000-06:00

My friend is their drummer. He is going on a mission in a couple of weeks. He will be missed. I like his band.

Nothing neater than nature

2011-03-24T21:26:00.000-06:00

Sometimes I wonder, how will I ever become an outdoor enthusiast? Problem solved.

And remember, I think you're pretty neat, but I respect your distance.

To your liking?

2011-02-18T12:16:00.000-07:00

I LOVE commercials. I am the one who makes my Dad stop fast forwarding, rewind, then even sometimes replay intriguing snippets of advertisements when we watch American Idol (even though he records it so we don't have to watch them). Guilty as Chang-ed. I also have a 3rd grade level of maturity, which enables me to laugh at just about everything. I am usually the only one laughing at the funnies because everyone else in the room is T.O.ed that I interrupted there speed round of TV time. Occasionally Grant will giggle presumably with me, but I know he's just amused that someone actually finds such 3rd grade humor funny, so I gather he is laughing at me. However, I choose to make those moments as pleasurable as possible so I pretend the former. Bless you, my brother.

Anyway, getting down to the nitty-gritty.

Here are two of my current favorites.

The first is so horrible that I cringe and laugh all at the same time. ALL, and I mean ALL, of Kay Jewelers' commercials are truly horrific, but this one takes the Valentine's Cup Cake.

The second is so cute that I want to cry and dance with giddy joy.

There are many other commercials I could show you that make me happy I am studying Advertising, but let these suffice...for now.

Irony at its greatest.

2010-10-18T18:21:00.000-06:00

Don't you think that making fun of Mormon clichés has become, it itself, cliché?

Boys II Men

2010-10-18T17:25:00.000-06:00

My favorite class is the one I signed up for the night before classes started. Go figure. Mission Prep is one of the most enriching, fabulous, hilarious, and entertaining classes I've taken at the good ole BYU. Go figure.

There are some boys in that class and there are some missionaries in that class. Let me illustrate by giving you a taste of our conversations. (These MAY or may not be real quotes and I MAY or may not have written some of them down so I don't forget.)

On our conversation of President Packer's talk on natural and eternal laws.

Boy: If homosexual tendencies were genetic it would have died out years ago.

(I'm not sure he really go the point of the conversation.)

Missionary: Just because homosexual tendencies may be learned and not biological that doesn't make them any easier to deal with, but the great thing is that the Atonement still encompasses them.

On our conversation about why we share the gospel.

Almost missionary:When a girl finds a diet she really likes and helps her shed some weight she has to go tell all her girlfriends. I love this gospel so much that I just can't not share it!

(Oh boy does he have passion. I just wonder if it's being channeled the best way possible.)

Be still my soul I love those boys in that class. I almost feel like I am finally an older sister to a handful of 18/19 year-old brothers. Today before (and maybe a little bit during) class, my boy, Travis and I talked about how a kid in our class is the 4th Jonas brother. Seriously he is a hybrid of all three of those teenage mutant heart-throbs. Later we watched a kid playing with a bug that was crawling on his knee. Yikes.

Don't get me wrong, however. I don't ever come out of that class without at least a page full of notes chalked with insights about gospel basics that I get to recharge my testimony with. Go figure.

TOOT TOOT

2010-09-13T17:56:00.000-06:00

Well I have finally finished my communications application (3 months in the making). I spent a good 50+ hours on it and by the end I was spent like a 100 dollar bill. You may not think that 50 hours is a lot but believe you me, I felt as attentive to it as a waitress at a chinese restaurant is attentive to filling your water glass. woo.

Now in order for you to fully understand my duress and feel sorry for me the most I think I should go into the painful details.

I had a portfolio which took the majority of my time, with everything from my Advertising projects to an epic story in 6 words or less.
I also had an exam that honestly I don't want to go into more detail about...
And last but not least I had to make a commercial of myself that was 60 seconds long. Surprisingly that took the least amount of time and I have the amateur video below to prove it.

Now sorry for tooting my own horn there for a minute. It won't happen again.

At this time I would like to give a shout out to the many many people who listened to me complain, think out loud and were estranged from me as I shut myself up in my room for days. I wouldn't be so pleased with what I turned in if it weren't for your suggestions, help and patience.

No use crying over spilled milk... violence, however, solves everything.

2010-08-04T17:38:00.000-06:00

I don't watch a whole lot of TV as of late (if you don't count Family Feud) which has been great. I have come to know who I really am. I've been able to reflect on the meaning of life, and you know, watch YouTube all day.

When a friend showed me this one I knew that one day the ongoing battle of the pronunciation of milk will soon come to and epic front in witch someone would soon have to die.

So remember to stay classy and know that your hand is like a brother to me.

We gone find you

2010-08-04T17:33:00.000-06:00

You know when you get a song stuck in your head and you find yourself singing it all day long.

Well mine for the day is complements of Antoine Dodson. Bless the geniuses from Auto-tune the News because they really struck gold here and didn't take it for granted.

First watch what inspired it all.

Perfection in Adolescence

2010-07-12T11:29:00.000-06:00

I woke up in a haze. Nothing was familiar. I was hot. All I could see was a few bright lights and even a few lasers. Why was it so loud? What was that hight pitched noise that won't stop? I covered my ears to dampen the ringing.

Then it all made sense. The missing money from my bank account, the 45 minute drive to Salt Lake. The scantily dressed moms dancing in front of me. Even the Facebook event I RSVP'd to letting the administrator know that I would be... "attending".

Could it be? Could it really be that I had just sold my soul to...NO. It couldn't. Maybe. It's hard to let my mind come to terms with the fact that, yes, I sold my soul to...Justin Bieber.

It was a new yet old experience. I have been 14 years-old before, but I had let my adolescence die along side with my giga pets and tamagotchis. Was I really reverting in maturity?

It was concluded that I had by what I did during the concert. I sold my soul and gave up all hope for acting by my own rational free-will. Sean Kingston and Justin Bieber told me to put my hands in the air and I put my hands in the air. They told me to jump and I sat down because of exhaustion. (Apparently I hadn't communicated to my aging body that my mind was drinking from the fountain of youth for one night and my body should follow suit, but I guess the message was lost in translation.) Man, I really wish now that I had guzzled down some squeeze-its before I left for a quick sugar rush.

As much as I love concerts and the creative stunts and entertainment seen therein, I was disappointed with the stunts preformed there. JB rode around the front part of the venue in a giant metal heart. I hope the girls underneath him don't have a hard time convincing their locker partners that it wasn't a dream when they tell them that Justin Bieber was floating 20 feet above them while sitting in a folding chair that was probably super glued on a giant metal rod twisted into the shape of a heart. (Oh and by the way, he also came out in a giant metal easter egg looking thing at one point, and was put in a harness so he could hang upside down for about 3 seconds.) Talk about neat stuff.

After we all lost our voices in effort to keep up with the moms whose kids who were all now asleep, we had to leave. I was sitting on the curb with all the other 14 year-olds waiting for my mom to pick me up from the E-center in Salt Lake when I finally realized, HEY! I'm old enough to drive! WAY old enough. Not only that but my roommate drove. Thank goodness, or I would have been waiting for my mom for a long time.

I've Got a Lifetime of Knowledge

2010-05-13T17:51:00.000-06:00

You know those little moments when everything is still and quite and you just have time to think and you start to ponder about life's most important questions? Well it's your lucky day because I'm here to help you get those answers. The following are questions I have a feeling you've asked yourself; I know I have.

1. Are all of the people in DI weird?

Yes...and no. I go there so not everyone there can be weird, right? RIGHT? Everyone else is kinda off their rocker though. For instance I was checking out the shoes when an elderly gentleman worker was checking out me. At first I thought he was just putting shoes away close to me and Sarah, but then every time I turned around he was there...staring. Stare at me once shame on you. Stare at me twice shame on you and your dog. Stare at me four times while inching closer, I leave immediately.

DI couldn't let me leave without some sort of penance though, and on the way out I heard a conversation that reminded me why the DI is a good use of time.

"Well it would be better if you pooped here instead of at home," said the lady to her distressed friend.

2. Since Hannah moved to Provo is she at parties every night?

No. I'm too much of an intellect for those kinds of gatherings. I prefer things like middle school renditions of Grease. Lucky the kids that Sarah works with at the Boys and Girls Club happened to be participating in that very same musical (all inappropriate innuendos included). Those kids were so talented that they were even doing some improv! One kid had a natural talent for putting his finger in his nose which I don't recall being in the script. What talent!

Even during the intermission was I entertained. I met the most adorable little 12-year-old boy on the earth. He told me all about the card game, magic, which is very similar to Pokemon. Needless to say, I will now be playing magic every weekend when I'm not at middle school plays.

3. Are the Wal-Mart brand or Smith's brand of freezer pops better?

WAL-MART!!!!!!!!

Well I hope that answers all of your questions. And don't worry if you have more, I'm just a phone call away.

To Each His Own Bicuspid

2010-03-23T11:24:00.000-06:00

So I haven't been to the dentist in 4 years, so what? I also haven't had a physical since 5th grade. So sue me. Well I finally caved and went in for a check-up and all the reasons I hate it came flooding back to me like an overflowing toilet.

Now I can see that some people might like the dentist, but it's really not for me.

If you like being poked anywhere and everywhere in your mouth with a sharp metal stick, sure you might like the dentist.

If the soft rock of Rob Thomas and BBMak make you feel comfy and cozy, I bet you get excited to go to the dentist.

If you think you look like a sophisticated adult when they clip a paper bib on you and have you wear reject sunglasses from the 90's, you probably like to go to the dentist even more frequently then is recommended.

If you crave the feeling of severely chapped lips and drooling, I am guessing you are crazy.

Now don't get me wrong I have a really nice dentist. He is always sincerely interested in me and my family and has always tried to make me feel as comfortable as possible. it's just the feeling of drills in my mouth that reminds me too much of fingernails on a chalkboard.

I guess my hatred would stem from my childhood when I had an experience that has scarred my precious adolescent years. Mom had just picked me up from school to take me to the dentist when a plan had begun to churn in my small brain.

"Mom I don't have my blankey!"

Unaware, mom replied, "Okay we have time. We'll stop by the house and you can run in and get it."

(If you can imagine a small child laughing maliciously, now would be the time to insert that into your mind's eye.) So the garage door opened and I slid right into the house quickly escaping to my room, which luckily was the only bedroom with a lock. A few moments later my mom came up and told me to come out, and I...didn't. I told her I was afraid of my dentist (probably because he is so tall) and she tenderly understood. She scheduled an appointment with a little Asian woman dentist. I felt a little better, but looking back she might as well have been a puppy slaughterer. I screamed so loud and hard and persistently for my mom to accompany me back to this foreign place and yet Dr. Asian wouldn't concede. (If the dog blood on her hands didn't tip me off at that point that she was evil it was what she did next.)

I wrestled like I have never wrestled before. Come on I was about 5 years old and all I wanted was my mom. Finally she decided it would be best to give me what she liked to call "the burrito". Okay I'm a five-year-old who loves food. ...How wrong I was...

She brought out a huge white tarp with velcro on it. HOLD IT. When she said burrito I assumed she would be giving me one. The thought never crossed my mind that I was to become the burrito. Yes that's right she strapped me to the chair and drugged me.

Think my strong dislike for the dentist is unwarranted now?

Anyway, while we're on the subject check out Tom Cruise's teeth.

Notice anything fishy?

World Traveler? I think so!

2010-01-20T22:10:00.000-07:00

I know what you are thinking. "Man, Hannah you must travel the globe for a living." To which I would reply, "No, I am just a woman in demand."
As I was saying my final goodbyes to Rexburg I said a quick hello to Sandy, UT and the lovely sisters who live there. From there I whisked myself off to California where I attended almost all the festivities that celebrated the joyous union of one of my dearest friends to her man whom she now calls husband. It was there that I got to spend lots of time with another one of my dearest friends and the beautiful bride's family that I have come to love dearly.
Even though I was only there for 3 days there was a great deal of notable things that took place therein:
1. I caught the bouquet! Look out Provo I'm coming and I've got superstition on my side! (What can I say? New school, new babe pool.)
Although this shot is not the most flattering of photos there is much to be learned from it. First, get up front and don't be afraid to shove a few elbows in your competitors' direction. Second, keep your eye on the ball of flowers.

2. While doing my bride's maid duties of decorating Lauren and Michael's car with the rest of the herd in pink, Lauren's little sister wanted to join in the fun and drew on the car with sharpie. She was devastated when she realized that what she had just done was permanent, but it fortunately came off and is now just a hilarious story they will surely be telling people at her wedding.
3. Another thing that had me rolling on the floor laughing was, yet again, an encounter I had with Lauren's adorable 8 year-old sister. (If she weren't so so so cute I probably wouldn't be telling so many stories about her.) After the reception she was telling me all about what she was doing during the shindig.
Emily:"I almost ate an ant."
Hannah:"Oh no! How did that happen?" (thinking of course that it would have been an accident if the little critter had actually made it into her mouth.)
Emily:"I saw it crawling on the table and I was totally like, 'I kinda wanna try it.'"
Needless to say I had to use all the energy (of which most had been spent on dancing) I could muster up to keep myself from laughing. Oh man what a cutie!
Overall it was a fantastic weekend and I couldn't be happier for my love, Lauren. LOVE YOU!
4. While waiting to board my plane -destination exotic Salt Lake City- I was sitting near a young fellow who was no doubt immersed in the trend emo. He was solemn, a bit greasy, tucked into his sister's jeans like they were made for his bony legs and only his, and quietly listening to his jams with his huge headphones. After a little time had passed I saw him quickly scramble to pick up a brick he had dropped. I turned my head to see this rare sign of movement in the airport waiting area and saw him not picking up a brick but a Walkman! Yes, even I, a 20 year old who hasn't seen much pass into the dark abyss of the outdated but Beanie Babies and Giga Pets, thought that it was funny to see someone use something that I used to use when I was 8. What I thought was funny though was his quickness to grab and reconceal his little attempt to "stick it to the man" in the form of a primitive portable tape player. I say, if you are using something like that to make a point at least do it proudly. Strap that sucker on your studded belt next to your fanny pack and show the world that you are starting a revolution one cassette at a time.
From California I again had a one night stay in Sandy. Only a few short hours later I found my self on another plane headed to Denver. I had a marvelous time there as I ALWAYS do. It was a quiet Christmas with only Ali, Jim, Carol and me, but an enjoyable one at that.

Now I am in Sandy to learn the ropes of being a mother before a week long marathon of babysitting Annie and Graden. (What is this strange magnetic force that keeps pulling me here? Could it be sisters? The adorable nephews and niece? Maybe just the excuse to sleep in until 11:30 each morning until I don the mom apron?...Perhaps all three)

The Butt of the Joke

2009-12-04T14:41:00.000-07:00

I have an FHE brother from Sri Lanka. His name is Buddhi. Yes you pronounce it Booty. As you can imagine this caused some snickering and giggles as he introduced himself at our first family gathering. As time went on in the semester my roommates all confessed that we had puns rolling through our minds every Monday night. Even later in the semester we found out that his roommates all had their "Buddhi jokes", in fact, they said them straight to Buddhi so we know he has no problem with it and is a good sport. Here are some of my favorites:

Hey Buddhi, what's shakin'?

(When receiving a call from Buddhi) - BUDDHI CALL!

(When you smell something gross) - Eww, it smells like Buddhi in here. (For the record Buddhi does not have a BO problem...at least I don't think.)

(When Buddhi dances) - Buddhi, Buddhi, Buddhi, Buddhi rockin' everywhere, rockin' everywhere...

If you've got anymore, let me know!

Strutting down the green carpet (we are friends of the 90's and the enviroment)

2009-12-01T17:32:00.000-07:00

Question: Is there anything more enjoyable than playing dress-up?

Answer: No
Rebuttal: False; hunting for bears and selling paper.

Because I am not a creepy middle-aged man that works a dead end job as a salesman for a commodity that is becoming almost useless, I have to say no. Really there is nothing funner than playing dress up, which is exactly what I did during my Thanksgiving break. Cassy and I were looking to stimulate our boredom ravaged brains and thought we would try on the wedding dresses that have found a home in the jungle (that is the room that has been dubbed the "jungle room" because of its Amazon aesthetic). Mom wanted to join us, so while we waited for her to finish kickin' it with the guys who were, SURPRISE watching football, we looked to other clothes that have been lurking on our closets upstairs. Oh man, oh man did we strike gold or what?! And by gold I mean faux gold pants and glittery knit tops.

Here is the stunning Cassandra Cae wearing an extremely elegant blazer that just screams expensive cruse line. This beauty was inspired my the smell of sea. It includes a gorgeous set of anchor earrings and pendant. Also for a limited time, when bought at JC Penny's, we'll throw in a 17 ounce bottle of a little something we like to call liquid gold, an intoxicating perfume called "Smell of Sea."

The jet-setting, Hannah Elizabeth, is showing off her new ensemble perfect for her career-driven lifestyle. The beautiful Italian white leather loafers are not only the talk of the town, but perfect for walking around town. They say, "Comfortably in style."

And the greatest thing about this green bit of heaven isn't that it complements the green carpet or the extra padded shoulders, but its versatility! Just look at how the outfit, went from night to day with a quick change of shoes. This working woman is ready to paint the town red!...or should we say green.

Sometimes I just feel like a Hefty bag full of vegetable soup

2009-11-04T14:36:00.001-07:00

Okay okay I know I just posted something but this couldn't wait. Don't worry I'm not turning into a blog junkie...at least I don't think I am.
In my advertising class we were talking about using similes in our ads so my teacher showed us some hilarious ones for inspiration. Apparently there is some annual submission of similes that high school English teachers actually find in essays. These are all totally worth reading!

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

How does that taste?

2009-10-31T13:45:00.000-06:00

The other day I had an experience that turned my frown upside down. I was feeling all too sorry for myself when my car was having battery stokes. I had to get it to the physicians of automobiles to get some tests run on it. I got in the car and drove off huffing and puffing over the kink it put it in my day and was looking around at all the slow Rexburg drivers wondering why they felt the need to go 5 under the already low speed limit. It was then that I saw a glimmer of joy in my cloudy day. I just never would have thought that that glimmer would come from a small child's saliva.

I looked to my left and saw a little boy leaning over the back seat licking the back window! I started to laugh hysterically. The rest of the car was practically busting at the seat belts with other small children and the mother was intently concentrating on the road. I only wonder if this was a common occurrence for the boy and it was his way of acting out to get some attention or if he knew this was the only chance he had to savor the sweet sweet taste of glass marinated in germs and viruses. I can only hope they were on their way to get in line for some flu shots.

Only moments later I saw another display that shows that people somehow think that when they step into their car they are wrapping themselves in an invisibility cloak. Well as much as we would all like to think that Harry Potter and all the magical things in his fantastical world are real, they are not. Dang it! Anyway, when I looked in my rear view mirror I saw a couple making out in the car behind me. Whoa! Keep your eyes on the road buddy! Is there really no other time and place for that?
The story continues.

Last night my friend Jaclyn and I were on our way to go check out a hot sale at Payless and I got the urge, as I often do, to dance. I was really feeling the music and let go of all my inhibitions. (David Archuleta has that effect on me.)Jaclyn started to laugh, and me being the fantastic dancer that I am thought she was enjoying my dancing, but that was not the case. She spotted the car next to us that had apparently spotted me. It was a cute little Mormon-ish family that was thoroughly entertained by my antics. In an effort to protect my ego I would like to think they were just jealous. Hey not all of us are lucky enough to have the gift of dance.

So now I turn it back to you. I know we all have things we have seen others do in their "invisibility cloaks" so lets hear 'em!

I am Legend

2009-10-14T14:10:00.000-06:00

Counting on the assumption that all of my readers/viewers/skimmers/people who know about my blog and occasionally think about maybe getting on my blog at some point in the year are of the female persuasion, I have no hesitations to share the following. Yes, this event took place years ago, but the follow-up happened only a couple of months ago and it is still a funny story.

Just a little background. Almost all of you have had the distinct pleasure, no privilege, no highest honor to meet Kelly Parmenter, my choir teacher. She is an incredible teacher and knows more about music than I ever thought possible, but lacks...lets call it...tact. To put it in its kindest terms, she isn't the pleasantest of humans. In fact, she was the source of quite a few of the many tears I shed in high school.(Not the best time of my life.)

In March of my senior year of high school my choir was putting on one of its last concerts of the year, and one of my last high school concerts ever. My fellow senior, sister vocalists and I decided that we wanted to stick it to Parmenter, who we affectionately call Parm. And by stick it to her, I mean do something she would totally disapprove and never, never, never, never ever let her know. (Before I continue you should know that my choir wore long blue graduation-esk gospel choir robes. Which was pretty funny because everyone in our choir was white except for a friend of mine who is a quarter black...)Anyway, someone spontaneously suggested that in our noble pursuit to stick it to Parm we not wear anything under our robes during the concert. We all laughed thinking, "oh man wouldn't that be great." But somehow through a series of "what if's" we decided to actually do it! No one really thought of what the consequences would be if we got caught, and honestly I don't think anyone really wanted to think of something so horrible. For how excited we were about it, and how many people we told, I'm surprized that no one (no, not even the freshman) spilled the beans. So we did it! We stripped down under our curtains for robes, went out on stage and sang like we had never sung before. Ahhh freedom. If I were to explain the feeling I would simply say it was like singing in the shower, only you are in front of tons of parents and teachers...don't think about that one too much.

When we all got back to the dressing room we all had a fit of laughter and relief knowing that we had just pulled it off, literally! I can honestly say that I had and still haven't ever done anything else so risque. (except for that time I skinny-dipped in the middle of the day, but that's a story for another bottle of wine...I mean another day.)

Lessons learned:
1) Your clothes absorb quite a bit more sweat than you realize. I have never had such slippery pits.
2) Carol Ranzenberger has a sense of humor more like mine than I thought. I did keep it from her for about 6 months out of fear, but once I did I felt freer than I did the night of the concert. And the most pathetic part was that she laughed...hard, and I really didn't have to keep it from her all that time.
3) Live a little

I hadn't thought about this experience for quite some time until Kathryn Moore, Aly Archer and I went back to the ole' stompin' grounds to have lunch with Kathryn's little brother. We talked about how fun it was to let loose and were delightfully informed that our senior girl successors had followed suit. WE STARTED A TRADITION! And the best part is that they all know who started it. Yes I know, that's a bit conceded, but if I'm going to walk out on stage basically naked, by George, I'm getting credit for it.

Secret Shames, Guilty Pleasures, and Lonley Bathrooms

2009-09-28T17:53:00.001-06:00

The other day my roommate, Ashleigh, came in to tell another roommate, Liesl, and me of an imaginary conversation she had with a boy she thinks is pretty dreamy. At first, I was thinking, "why would she ever tell us something so embarrassing?" Then I realized that I totally have imaginary conversations with myself too! She continued to finish her made up tale when Liesl asked, "so did he kiss you when you were done with this conversation? Cuz that's how all my daydreams end." I couldn't believe it. She too speaks to people in her head that aren't really there. I thought I was the only one guilty of this so I often shoved those encounters way down into my sub-conscience.

We all shared bits and pieces of how lame our lives are and how we spiced them up with our secret make believe ingredients.

You take a typical day of classes and studying. Then add two dream boats, a killer outfit and specially aligned stars and you've got yourself a fairy tale.
I'd like to think that we are basically premature Relief Society sisters swapping recipes that have never breached the bounds of family. MUAHAHAH (evil laugh) such rebels, no?

I then thought of all the times that I have been in the bathroom and imagined to be in a board meeting sounding so intelligent that I have to use 'simple' terms so all my employees can keep up. Of course I would sound like a complete ignoramus (that means someone who isn't very smart) to anyone else, but if no one else will boost my pride, I might as well make my fake employees do it.

Now to follow suit with most of my other entrees I have included a visual stimulation to keep you interested. It's kind of like the light at the end of the tunnel or the chocolate cake after the split pea soup. So here you go dutiful reader. Here is you prize for your endurance noble soldier.

So the question now is What are you thinking about? Or sinking (I'm not really here to judge. I am the one after all who talks to myself in the bathroom.)

So give me all the dirty details. Lets gossip...about ourselves...which I guess really isn't gossiping. Lets talk. Make me feel better about talking to myself and making up fake scenarios.

And so it begins

2009-09-14T15:50:00.000-06:00

Well it is the dawn of another semester in my scholarly pursuit. If you ask me my 7 week summer was way too short and I can't help but want to go back home to my sleeping-in, overeating, Harry Potter filled days in the best place on earth. Before I left I was nervous that I wouldn't have as good of a time in Rexburg as I did on Denver. But then I realized that home is where the heart is and because Harry Potter has been my heart and soul for the past 7 weeks I don't need to worry because I can take him with me where ever I go...Even if it is the armpit of Idaho, which is the armpit of America.
To demonstrate how I was digging in my heels on my way to school I have provided a YouTube video. This little girl is having a hard time eating her green beans but still is very persistent. She jumps right in and says "I'll try!" So I guess if she can do it I can.

No I will not be saying "I'm never going to school ever again!" In fact I am really enjoying the classes I have this semester and have really fantastic professors. Also I am having a mildly enjoyable time here and a lot of my worries have been put to rest. In fact the sun has been out so I will definitely take that. (even if it does mean that by the time I get to class my shirt has wet lines on it where my backpack rests.) I am looking forward to the cooler weather so I can wear a new sweater I bought before school. However, I know I will soon eat my words as I roll out of bed grab the warmest sweatshirt I can find (not even bother with my hair) and run to class.

Does it get any better than this?

2009-08-17T13:16:00.000-06:00

As you will notice on the left I have added to my favorite websites list 'Awkward Family Photos.' The other day Cassy and I were looking through a Reader's Digest and found a little highlight of the website. We visitied the site and let me tell you, these pictures are as awkward as they come. I have picked out a few of my favorites for your viewing pleasure if you don't want to get stuck at your computer all day looking at all of them like I did. Some of the captions make the pictures even funnier so look at them too.

Henhouse

Finally, a photo of girls in

prom dresses holding chickens

that makes total sense.

The Projectionist

For this protective father, you

can have his daughters home

whenever you want, but

don’t even think about taking

out the projector.

Stack of Denimoes

It’s a good thing denim breathes.

A Beautiful Mind

Ever wondered what the kid with

the clarinet is really thinking?

Cabbage Pat

Thank goodness for that gentle reminder

from sis when you just can’t let go.

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE!

Awkward Solo Photo: Roman Shade

Clearly, all of the other props

were occupied at this photo studio.

what a catch

2009-08-14T20:20:00.000-06:00

Well Candi sent this to Ali and me just a little bit ago and I had to post it. Sorry I totally stole this from you Candi, but I just couldn't keep this to myself. I had to write about it and share it with mom at least (my one reader). This guy is crazy! But something in me can't help but wish they hadn't cut out his number...totally KIDDING!
Here's the note that came with the email:

this is hilarious - read below before listening
The story is this: a girl was out with friends having drinks in Toronto. This guy approaches her and won't leave her alone - saying how elegant she is.
She finally gives in and hands the guy her business card to get rid of him.. Attached is an MP3 file of not one, but TWO voicemails this guy left.
After hearing them you can clearly see why she didn't call him back - instead she called in to the Z103.5 morning show & had them play this on the air.

Interesting guy I'd say. Good thing "the ball was in her court."

If I ever met this fine fellow there are a few things I would want to ask him.
Are you on any medication? If you aren't you should be. In fact I won't go out with you unless you are.
Was your last girlfriend deaf or did she just have a really good self esteem?
Was your last relationship long distance because she was running away from you but was too afraid to say she was leaving you?
After that I would just slap him in the face and say "good day Dimitri" just like I have seen in those stupid TV shows.

Project Natal

2009-07-14T15:49:00.000-06:00

Being a communications major I feel like I get to hear about these new technologies and things before everyone else. This could be totally inaccurate though seeing as how I live in Idaho...better yet Rexburg, Idaho. My brother, Brandon, had never heard of this one so I hope that is a reflection of the rest of my faithful followers. Anyway if you have heard of this before pretend it is your first exposure to it. Imagine as you are watching this video you are opening a gift on Christmas morning and your heart is full of anticipation and excitement. Is it a pony? Perhaps a new bike, or guitar? Maybe even the coveted pair of granny-panties that have been passed throughout the family for years (family joke Brother Warnick). Alas I can't present any of these things to you in an Internet format, but I hope the feelings are the same.

I think this is so cool! In the words of the chubby lady in Napoleon Dynamite who is eyeing the sailboat, "I woant that."
I do think it is kind of creepy how it knows who you are and when you walk into the room, but it's still cool. Also I think some of the games are a little ridiculous. Like the kid skateboarding, he might as well go outside and skateboard, he does have a real board doesn't he? The fresh air will do him good anyway, and a few real friends couldn't hurt either. That being said I still want it.